Making Friends as an Adult Is Weird, Here’s What I’m Trying

Making friends as an adult is weird.

When you’re younger, friendships seem to happen almost accidentally. You go to school together. You work together. Your kids are on the same team. You see the same people over and over until eventually, somewhere along the way, you become friends.

As an adult, especially when you’ve moved to a new city, built a career, raised kids and generally created a pretty full life, it doesn’t happen quite that easily.

I moved from San Antonio to Austin several years ago, and one thing I’ve realized is that you can live somewhere for a long time without necessarily feeling like you’ve built your community there.

I know people in Austin. A lot of people, actually.

Between real estate, professional organizations, community involvement and networking events, I’m constantly meeting people. But knowing people and having friends are two very different things.

So lately, I’ve been trying to change that.

I’m Going Places Where I’d Actually Want to Meet People

For a while, I think I approached networking the way a lot of professionals do: What event should I attend? Who will be there? Is this worth my time?

And those are fair questions. I’m a REALTOR® and a business owner. Of course I want to meet people and grow my business.

But I’ve started asking another question too:

Would I actually enjoy being there?

Because if I’m going to spend an evening away from home, I don't want every interaction to feel like work.

I’d rather attend an event where I might meet a future client, a new friend, a great local business owner, or simply someone interesting to talk to.

Sometimes there doesn’t need to be an immediate return on investment.

I’m Trying Things That Require Seeing the Same People Again

This might be the biggest thing I’ve learned.

One networking event probably isn’t going to create a friendship.

You meet someone, have a great conversation, exchange Instagram handles and say, “We should get coffee sometime!”

Then nobody gets coffee.

Friendships need repetition.

That’s why I’m becoming more interested in things like classes, organizations, volunteer opportunities and activities where I’ll see the same people more than once.

It takes some of the pressure off too. You don't have to decide whether someone is going to become your new best friend during a five-minute conversation. You just get to know each other over time.

I’m Actually Following Up

This is the part I think adults are terrible at.

We meet someone we genuinely like, then we both go home and continue living our lives.

So I’m trying to be better about being the person who follows up.

If someone mentions a coffee shop they love, maybe we actually go there. If we talk about wanting to try a restaurant, maybe I send the text instead of waiting for them to do it.

It can feel slightly awkward putting yourself out there, but somebody has to go first.

And I’m realizing that most people seem pretty happy when somebody else does.

I’m Saying Yes More Often

I’m also trying to say yes to things I might have talked myself out of before.

Go to the event.

Try the class.

Accept the invitation.

Sit next to someone you don't know.

Start the conversation.

That doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. I’ve learned that filling my calendar with events just for the sake of being busy isn't particularly helpful either.

The goal isn't to have plans every night of the week.

The goal is to build a life in Austin that feels like mine.

I’m Letting Different Relationships Be Different

I think sometimes we put too much pressure on friendship.

Not everyone needs to become a lifelong best friend.

There can be the friend you grab coffee with. The friend you see at professional events. The friend who will go try a new restaurant with you. The person you always end up talking to at community events. The friend you call when you need advice.

Those relationships still matter.

And sometimes those lighter friendships eventually become deeper ones because you’ve given them enough time to grow naturally.

I’m Trying to Be the Kind of Person I’d Want to Meet

Maybe this is the biggest shift for me.

Instead of wondering whether I'll walk into a room and find “my people,” I’m trying to focus on what I bring into the room.

Am I introducing myself?

Am I asking people questions?

Am I inviting someone into the conversation who looks like she doesn't know anyone either?

Am I following up when I say I will?

Am I supporting the people I meet?

Building community isn't just about finding people who will show up for you. It's also about becoming someone who shows up for other people.

Apparently, This Is How We Make Friends Now

I still think making friends as an adult is weird.

There’s no playground, dorm room or cafeteria forcing us to spend time together until friendship happens.

We have to be much more intentional about it.

So that’s what I’m trying.

I'm getting out of the house. I'm going to things I actually enjoy. I'm meeting people outside of my normal circles. I'm following up. I'm saying yes when I can, and occasionally being the one who sends the invitation first.

Will every event lead to a friendship? Of course not.

But I don't think that's really the point.

The point is creating more opportunities for connection, and slowly building a community and a life that feels a little more like home.

And if you’re an adult wondering why making new friends suddenly feels like dating without the dating part, apparently you’re not the only one.